Magic Kingdom

After leaving prison, dwarf criminal Calvin Sims joins his moron brother Percy in stealing an expensive huge diamond from a jewelry store for the mobster Walken. They are chased by the police, and Calvin hides the stone in the purse of executive Vanessa Edwards, whose husband Darryl Edwards wants to have a baby. Percy convinces Calvin to dress like a baby and be left in front of the Edwards' house to get inside the house and retrieve the diamond. Darryl and Vanessa keep Calvin for the weekend and decide to adopt him, while Walken threatens Darryl to get the stone back.

For many years, four teenage orphans at an Australian outback convent have watched their younger comrades find new parents, and realize that they may never be adopted. The Reverend Mother sends the four boys away on a seaside vacation, where they meet Teresa and Fearless, a couple who would make perfect parents. The youths compete with one another to be the one Teresa and Fearless decide to adopt.

When Lenny and his wife, Amanda, adopt a baby, Lenny realizes that his son is a genius and becomes obsessed with finding the boy's biological mother in hopes that she will be brilliant too. But when he learns that Max's mother is Linda Ash, a kindhearted prostitute and porn star, Lenny is determined to reform her immoral lifestyle. A Greek chorus chimes in to relate the plot to Greek mythology in this quirky comedy.

Rip Porter is sentenced to seven years in prison for beating his wife, Wendy. When he is released, he discovers that Wendy gave up their child, and the privileged Campbell family adopted him. The two families are soon in a legal battle for the child they both love.