Andy Van Allen, former hero of the cult 80s futuristic TV show Children of Castor, is now working as a hotel porter. When Andy receives an unusual offer - the Children of Castor fan club-organised cruise around the Greek islands, with him as the principal celebrity - a combination of Andy's cynicism, his fans' adoration, a misguided sexual encounter and an unexpected reunion with his more famous co-star, Nick Lee, ensure the paradise cruise is far from plain sailing.

Our narrator looks fondly back at his childhood in Liverpool and the antics of his best friend Johnno. Well known for being a showman and a keen one for joking and the like, Johnno starts to change for the worse after he announced that his father has died.