Dumped by her loser boyfriend, Erin's love life hits rock bottom when her overbearing mother places an embarrassing ad in the "personals" section of a local newspaper on her behalf. Erin's disgust turns to curiosity as she searches for the right guy in a hilarious series of disastrous dates. Meanwhile, a lonely ex-plumber named Alan clumsily searches for his dream job while narrowly missing one chance meeting with Erin after another.

Lady Booby alias 'Belle', the lively wife of the fat landed squire Sir Thomas Booby, has a lusty eye on the attractive, intelligent villager Joseph Andrews, a Latin pupil and protégé of parson Adams, and makes him their footman. Joseph's heart belongs to a country girl, foundling Fanny Goodwill, but his masters take him on a fashionable trip to Bath, where the spoiled society comes mainly to see and be seen, but drowns in the famous Roman baths. When the all but grieving lady finds Joseph's Christian virtue and true love resist her lusting passes just as well as the many ladies who fancy her footman, she fires the boy. He's found and nursed by an innkeeper's maid, which stirs lusts there, again besides his honorable conduct, but is found by the good parson.

An author discovers that his missing research assistant's disappearance may be related to illegal trade in ivory tusks. He's then asked by the local inspector to help him find the poachers.