Conquistadork is the comic story of Stanley, a nerd who struggles with the ruthlessness of New York City dating culture, the abuse of drugs for sexual dysfunction, and the chauvinistic influences of his new found mentor, pick-up artist Vasco Guerrero.

After witnessing the brutal assassination of presidential candidate Francis Mohan, a young married couple (Edward and Alice Anderson) are taken to a safe house miles from civilization. Upon their arrival at the safe house, the trio is shocked to find it abandoned and their stay takes a sudden turn for the worse. Their guardian begins undergoing dark and unsettling changes to his personality.